


A Burden

by Armin_Phantomhive



Category: Free swim club
Genre: Depression, M/M, Suicide, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-25
Updated: 2016-01-25
Packaged: 2018-05-16 05:32:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5816077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Armin_Phantomhive/pseuds/Armin_Phantomhive
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>~Death wanted me and loved me, probably more than anyone else ever would~</p><p>(trigger warning)</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Burden

I sat on the cold tile of the bathroom floor with my back against the locked door. During the day I can avoid the melancholy thoughts that flood my brain, but when the lights are off and my dorm is all too silent I have nothing to distract myself from the anxious feeling that fills my chest. I have nothing to block out the unwelcome thoughts that fill my head.

The thoughts that say I'm worthless, useless, unneeded, unwanted, unloved. How can people even stand to be near me? I'm obnoxious and annoying. They would be better off without me. I put my hands over my mouth and squeeze tightly, trying to cover the sounds that spill out of me as my body trembles from sobs. I can't let senpai hear me, that would cause him trouble. I don't need to trouble him even more. I don't ever wanna make life harder for him, cause I love him. Immediately after that thought an idea crossed my mind. It's one I've had a couple of times, but this time I'm not going dismiss it like I usually do. After thinking about it. It seems like the best choice for everyone.

I quickly stood opening the bathroom cabinet. I searched for a while before finding the silver piece of metal that would be my undoing. This is what's best. For me there is no more pain and for others I'll no longer be such a burden, to my teachers, to my parents, to my teammates, to Rin. My head was already hurting from all the crying I had done. Pathetic. I can't even be strong in my last moments, While walking back to the spot I was previously sitting, my foot caught on the rug that was placed on the bathroom floor, I felt myself losing balance and before I knew it my stomach and chest slammed against the dirty floor, this made a loud bang that slightly echoed off the walls in the small room. I choked back a sob thinking about how I can't even do the simplest thing without fucking up, for god sake I can't even walk right. I am definitely making the right decision. I got onto my hands and knees starting to stand but stopped and stayed completely still like a deer in headlights when I heard a noise come from the other side of the door. Followd by the sound of footsteps heading straight toward the bathroom. NO. no, no, no, no, no, no, no,no, NO.

"oi Nitori are you okay" I heard the voice of my love call with a soft knock on the door. My chest tightens at the thought that I disturbed his sleep by my inability to fucking walk. I take a deep breath willing my voice not to reveals the hysterical state i'm in.

"y-yes, senpai g-go back to be-" the last part of my sentence was cut off by a sob that that tore threw my body. I watched as my tears formed little puddles on the floor beneath me. I heard Rin sigh from the other side of the door. Great job Aiichiro, you pissed him off. This is the last time you'll talk to him and you went off and made me angry. Then it dawed on me, this is the last time i'm going to ever speak with him, I could say anything and not have to face the repercussions.

Rin knocked on the door louder and tried to open the door.

"Nitori. Open the door right now, you are NOT okay" I heard him say as he repeatedly knocked on the door

I wiped my tears with my sleeve. Pull yourself together Aiichiro, you have to do this. Tell him what you need to then, leave him be forever.

"I'm sorry, Rin, but I can't do that because I love you. I have always loved you Rin and I always will, Thank you for putting up with me. goodbye." I didn't even bother to call him senpai. I lifted the blade to my wrist, taking a deep breath and closing my eyes tight, pulling it across my wrist as hard and fast as I could. The pain was nothing compared to what I felt inside.

"WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING STOP RIGHT NOW PLEASE!! JUST OPEN THE DOOR" I lifted the now blood covered object and continued by slashing into my other wrist. Senpai is so nice, pretending to care. I slowly laid down on my back feeling the will to stay awake fade away, blood flowing out much quicker than I expected. I closed my eyes as my eyelids began to feel heavy. a sigh of content escaped between my lips that were slowly turning into a small smile, I was happy knowing I would no longer have to feel such emptiness everyday. In that moment I discovered that there is something that wanted and loved me. Death wanted me and loved me, probably more than anyone else ever would. Now senpai can be happy with Nanase-senpai. I slowly began slipping into darkness as a wave of calm spread over me. I love you, Rin-senpai......

 

All of Rin's please for nitori to open the door, all of the sounds of Rin's fist hitting the door, all of RIn's I love yous, fell on deaf ears as Nitori was already unconscious.

**Author's Note:**

> Please give feedback!!


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